The Westering Hills

Call me morbid, call me pale. . .

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Glamor Bitch stole my shuckin' table!

Now there's a blog title I'm sure no one's ever typed before!

So today I volunteered for the Puget Soundkeeper Alliance's 17th Annual Anthony's Oyster Olympics at Anthony's Homeport restaurant. BW's brother Chris works for PSA and when he sent an email asking me if I could volunteer during the day to help out, I accepted. Heck, it's something interesting to do, it's for a good cause, and the best part: as a volunteer, I could indulge in all the free oysters and food (and wine, were I drinking) without having to pay the $85 ticket donation fee!

I was signed up to be a timer for the oyster shucking contest. This sounds innocuous but it turns out that this contest is practically the Grande Dame of oyster shucking contests in the nation and the participants (all prestigious seafood restaurant cooks) take it very seriously, practicing for months ahead of time. Our coordinator explained how we were to time them, where to stand, etc., then finally asked us to choose one of the 20 tables to time. I stepped up to Table 2, placed my water bottle on it, then stepped back momentarily to let others pass me in the crowded aisle. And that's when Glamor Bitch stole my table--a overly-made up girl dressed in a fancy cocktail dress (the rest of us volunteers were in jeans) stepped in front of me and grabbed the clipboard at my table, careful to not look at me, before I could take the two necessary steps towards it. When I stood looking at her for a few seconds and then reached around her to take back my water bottle with a polite frown on my face, she said very wide-eyed, "Oh, was this your table?" but did not make a move to give it up. That's when I noticed that the rest of the tables were taken. "Oh, well, that's okay," I grinned through gritted teeth and retreated to the back of the room. Bitch.

Yes, it's a very very stupid thing for me to get irritated over but I could see at a glance that she knew exactly what she was doing and that, dear readers, is what incensed me. Women have the ability to be so good at being catty and playing the innocent at the same time, and really for the pettiest of reasons. When do girls learn to do this? (On a side note, why do so many men not pick up on it?) As Jane Austen once commented (and I paraphrase), it's the very reason I am so hard on my own sex.

I was right to be suspicious of her, by the way. I kept my eye on her during the next hour. Timers were told that they had to stay crouched low during the actual shucking heats so they would be out of the way of the photographers. I saw her start to stand up whenever a photographer came towards her table; she was trying to get into the photo. So transparent, that one.

After the shucking contest, I wandered around, sampling all different kinds of oysters and food. I had fun pretending to bid on the pricey silent auction items. I saw Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels and local newsanchor Christine Chen, who ended up winning the Celebrity Oyster Slurping contest later. I ate way too many tiny, delicious desserts, including about six mascarpone fruit tartlets. I was anxious to leave, however, as I was alone during much of this. Social events of this kind are no fun alone for wallflowers like myself. As I left, I told the head coordinator that I would be interested in volunteering for the next benefit event, which is to be held at the Seattle Aquarium in October: free food, drink, and otter gazing! How can I pass up such an invitation?

6 Comments:

  • At 11:37 PM, Anonymous sher said…

    Damn her!! If only you were still contagious--you could have coughed on her.

     
  • At 6:41 AM, Blogger Kristi said…

    What? You didn't have a cocktail dress to put on for an oyster-shucking contest? I pity you. ;)
    That chick sounds like a royal bitch.

     
  • At 10:13 AM, Blogger Shannon said…

    She was also wearing high heels and the coordinator had warned everyone to be careful when carrying the platters of shucked oysters over to the judges to not trip--apparently it happened one year and ruined that person's chance of winning. I have to cop to wanting to see her trip on her stupid heels! Yes, I am horribly horribly petty and can be as catty as the next!

     
  • At 12:44 PM, Anonymous Jenny said…

    I don't know where girls learn that faux-innocent crap, but I'd have called her on it. That kind of passive-agressive behavior sets off a trigger in me - it makes me determined to NOT give the chick what they want (thus I can be just as petty as they, I suppose). Does this make me a bad person?....

     
  • At 6:13 PM, Blogger annelynn said…

    I have a hard time seeing you as petty. I see you more as righteously indignant.

     
  • At 11:45 AM, Blogger Binulatti said…

    I would have thrown a shucking fit all over that bizzitch!

     

Post a Comment

<< Home